i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
