This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
