When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
