When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
did i walk over a car last night?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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