listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
