Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So much Jack, so little girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
