tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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