I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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