I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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