I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize