Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
