Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
