My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
