Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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