i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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