Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex