Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I spit up blood this morning
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?