I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize