You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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