I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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