No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
