had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
