saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed