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Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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