just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.