Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after