i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
