we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
