Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so let's talk penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
