Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
