I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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