Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
