I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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