he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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