The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
