This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
