I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
