batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
