i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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