Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
