I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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