he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
