so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
