How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
