Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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