There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
