He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
