Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
