I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
