How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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