Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
