How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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