i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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