So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm getting married
To pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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