I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
