he thought i was a dude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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