I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
