and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
