she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
