my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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