the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
ok first of all what the fuck
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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