why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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