I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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