sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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