I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
