I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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