kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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