you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
