he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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