did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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