sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
