i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sober January is a disaster.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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