oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
