hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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