When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
